Leading Slow

A month off the bike costs more than fitness. It costs nerve. Saturday morning I led the group, and I led it slow. I told myself the easy pace was for the newer riders. That was the generous version. The truer one is that I was using them as cover. The caution was mine, not theirs. After lunch the group returned home. I turned back onto the trail alone. No one to lead, no pace to blame on anyone but me, and somewhere in the first few kilometers the rhythm came back on its own. The body remembers faster than the head allows. That is the part worth keeping. The terrain was never the problem. Neither was the month. It was the quiet voice that wanted me to stay the size of an ordinary weekend. I had meant to cancel the mountain the next day. By the time I got home, I was already packing for it.